


these autumn skies and winter nights

by joyfulsun



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cancer, M/M, One Shot, Seongwu is a nurse, and Minhyun has cancer, and sungwoon appears for a second lol, im sorry, its only angsty at the end don't let it scare u, jisung and jaehwan are v nice nurses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 23:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13845075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyfulsun/pseuds/joyfulsun
Summary: “You should consider yourself lucky, I’m the way hotter option.” Seongwu mentions almost too proudly.Minhyun almost chokes.If Seongwu wasn’t a nurse, he’d probably take Minhyun’s reaction as a compliment. But he is a nurse. And Minhyun’s literally dying. (Unfortunately)“Ohshit- Are you okay?”aka the onghwang cancer fic no one needed





	these autumn skies and winter nights

**Author's Note:**

> this work was written as a part of the o/h fic fest following the prompt: "It's fall season, and that marks the one year that Minhyun has been hospitalized, "I'll die when that branch is completely rid of leaves". Nurse Seongwu secretly carries a ladder and reattaches fake leaves to a branch every night."
> 
> this is my first contribution to the onghwang tag and it's an 8k angsty nurse/patient fic, i'm sorry in advance. it was meant to be 15k words of just minhyun laughing at seongwu as he falls off ladders but then this happened
> 
> that being said i kinda just closed my eyes and pressed post so also unbeta'd
> 
> enjoy!

♡♡♡

“You’ll be having a new nurse, a personal one this time.”

Jisung mentions it casually, as if Minhyun’s trust isn’t being completely smashed and thrown out the window.

“You’re kidding right?” Minhyun questions seriously, his eyes burning holes into the back of his nurse’s head to pry the joke out of his mouth.

“I’m being serious Minhyun.” 

Jisung stops writing in the chart hooked at the end of Minhyun’s bed to meet his gaze with one just as strong. If it weren’t for the soft blue uniforms, Minhyun might’ve been scared of him for a second. 

Jisung sighs, “If you didn’t pull your little escape attempt last night, you wouldn’t have to have this.”

Minhyun pushes himself to sit up in his bed, ready to protest, but Jisung stops him in the process. The nurse is immediately by his side by instinct, ensuring his intravenous fluid tube doesn’t get tangled with anything else as he places another pillow behind his back to rest on the headboard. 

Minhyun doesn’t say anything at first, and soon decides not to say anything. He knows what Jisung is talking about, of course - the infamous “Ramen Run” stunt he pulled only a few hours earlier. Minhyun is still in his youth and to say that cancer doesn’t scare him is a lie, not when he can see and feel it slowly consuming him. He still isn’t sure why or where he planned escape off to at two am (definitely not to try the new ramen flavour at the convenience store across the road as he told the receptionist) - but at that point, anything seemed better than entering the ring for the fight against death.

“The board and your father agreed on it,” Jisung continues, giving Minhyun a small pat on the shoulder, “for this chemo round at least.”.

“Can’t you be my personal nurse?” He eventually asks, avoiding anymore talk on the topic. 

Jisung snorts at his comment and holds his laughter, but offers no reply. 

“You’re my favourite nurse out of all of them. Just don’t tell Jaehwan. Or Sungwoon.”

Jisung looks as if he genuinely considers it for a split second, but his sad laugh says otherwise. “You can beg as much as you want, but no. You’ll like him Minhyun, trust me.”

Minhyun groans and sulks back into his bed, muttering fake assurances to himself. Jisung was one of the nurses allocated to Minhyun in his first round of chemotherapy earlier in the year, and was one of the very few who handled his stubborn antics. If it weren’t for the elder’s constant nagging, he wouldn’t have trusted him as easily - he still manages to get away with skipping some medication rounds with Jaehwan.

 

Jisung eyes Minhyun carefully, as if reading his own thoughts. “I know what you’re thinking and no.” 

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“He’ll be with you basically everyday, so no skipping meds. He’s smart enough to catch on anyway-“ The nurse pauses, catching a glimpse of Jaehwan walking by the room. “Well I know he’s definitely smarter than Jaehwan to catch on.”

A provoking I heard that! is heard from down the corridor. 

A buzz from another room calls for Jisung’s attention, suddenly leaving Minhyun alone with an ominous whirring fan to fill the silence. He watches Jisung leave through the small glass of his door, giving greetings to another nurse slightly obscured by someone else’s head - probably Sungwoon considering the height. He contemplates pressing the nurse button just because he’s bored and wants to be annoying, but opts to reach for the curtain cord instead. The curtains open up to an aerial display of birds dancing along the sunset outside his window; a performance long enough to distract his own thoughts before he hears a click of the door.

“Hwang Minhyun?” 

Minhyun looks up expecting to see some army general ready to confine both his body and soul to this bed, but is surprised to see a young man around his age calmly step in. He isn’t sure if it’s his imagination, or the perfect timing of golden hour to make anyone look godly, but he hates to admit that the nurse is beautiful. His brown locks are slightly styled up with gel and a warm smile plays on his lips. Any patient (or living person) in the building would fall at a such a sight, probably missing the childish aura that Minhyun catches on to. Failing to notice that he was too busy admiring the nurse’s face to answer back, he settles with a slow nod.

“Ah, hello. I’m Ong Seongwu.” The nurse says, giving a quick bow. “I’m assigned as your personal nurse for this chemotherapy round.”

Minhyun silently greets him back with another nod. He doesn’t need Seongwu, good looking or not. He was perfectly fine with the other nurses. Actually, he’s perfectly fine on his own - he’s going to die anyway. He could probably convince his father that he needs to go on one of those global trips for spiritual awakening to speed up recovery and then hide at home and read some over-romanticized poetry. 

Jisung follows into the room with overwhelming enthusiasm, clasping his hands with excitement. “I see you’ve met Seongwu!” 

Not catching on to the awkward atmosphere in the air, Jisung forces a handshake between the two and offers cups of water right after. “You’re both the same age so there’s no need for formalities here, I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.” Minhyun exchanges a quick glance with his new nurse as their hands meet, not mentioning the slight tremble in his fingertips. Jisung takes the clipboard and folder hanging off Minhyun’s bed and beckons Seongwu to follow him back outside, breaking up their first interaction. “I’ll first get Seongwu here introduced to your schedule and he’ll be right back.”

Seongwu waits till Jisung is out of the room before he turns and asks, “Is there anything else you need before I go?”

“I’m fine.” Minhyun mutters, directing it more to himself than to his new nurse.

 

Not that Minhyun was counting but a good hour passes before he hears a soft knock at the door. Unable to recognise the knock pattern, he assumes it’s Seongwu. He’s decides to keep his gaze on the window, watching the sky slowly descend to a deeper shade of blue, the last remnants of the autumn sun disappearing behind the horizon. 

“Sorry it took a while,” Minhyun hears Seongwu pad softly towards his bed, bringing a chair with him. “Jisung sure likes to talk a lot.”

The corners of Minhyun’s mouth turn up slightly as the image of the said nurse chatting away about disposable sharps for 20 minutes visualises in his head. Minhyun tries to turn his body around to greet Seongwu properly and just like Jisung, Seongwu quickly moves to hold all tubes out of the way. 

“I can do this by myself you know.” Minhyun says, a little harsher than intended, waving a random tube in the air. “I’ve only just started my second week of chemo. I mean, I just pulled a runner this morning, I could do it again if I wanted to.” 

“Why did you run exactly?” Seongwu asks cautiously, taking the tube out of Minhyun’s hand before he accidentally pulls one out his arm.

“Why _wouldn’t_ you run?” 

Minhyun catches Seongwu scratching his neck, hesitating, as if his actual answer got caught in his throat. He quickly apologises, “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Minhyun forces out a light laugh, fiddling with the ends of his blanket to avoid any judging gazes from the nurse. “I don’t know why I ran too.”

Despite the dampened mood, Seongwu makes an effort to keep Minhyun occupied before the evening medication rounds visit - which should be any minute now. The nurse decides to wander around the room, fiddling with everything and anything until he finally settles near the windowsill. “Do you have a thing for plants? Or are you one of those people who just do it for the aesthetic?”

“I’m sorry?” 

Unlike the shy nurse he remembers an hour earlier, Seongwu has a determined look on his face as if the answer is a matter of life or death. 

“Plants? Yes or No?”

Unknown to the hidden agenda behind the question, Minhyun answers truthfully. “Yes, I guess?”

Seongwu hums in agreement, looking dramatically out the window. “You keep looking outside at the garden.”

Minhyun’s just about to question him further until a young nurse walks into the room, “Hwang? Your evening medication.” 

The nurse, flirtatious as ever, meets Seongwu halfway and places a small tray of medicine cups and syringes into his arms. She purposely sweeps her hands on Seongwu’s, not forgetting to leave with a coy smile before returning back outside. Minhyun rolls his eyes at the interaction and judging by Seongwu’s disinterest, it’s not the first time it’s happened either. 

Seongwu sets the tray on the bedside table and takes Minhyun’s cup from earlier to refill it at a water dispenser. “I’m sure you know the drill by now but since it’s my first day with you, I’ve got to follow procedure.” Seongwu calls from the end of the room.

Minhyun shrugs and lays his arms down to allow him to continue. “Go ahead.”

“Alright, Hwang Minhyun?” Seongwu asks, simultaneously reaching out for Minhyun’s wrist to read his details on the blue patient identification band. There’s a tingly sensation as their fingers brush against each other though Minhyun doesn’t think to mention it (he blames the IV fluid). 

“Correct. Born August 9, 1995. 23 years old.” Minhyun recounts.

Seongwu’s serious guise drops momentarily just so he could hit Minhyun lightly on the shoulder. “Hey I’m August 25!” Minhyun also takes note of how quick Seongwu’s attention span changes. “Any allergies?”

“Salt,” Seongwu raises an eyebrow at the unusual statement. Minhyun isn’t sure if it’s even considered an allergy but after a bad reaction to a salt bath, he’s been precautious ever since. “not when it’s ingested though.” He quickly adds.

The nurse returns him an apologetic smile, a contradiction to the teasing words. “That’s kinda weird but okay.”

Seongwu moves on to pick up the patient clipboard to check off a few notes and read it aloud. “Okay, so one 200mg pill of Droxia, taken orally.” Seongwu places a blue pill into Minhyun’s palm, offering his cup of water. “It’ll help lower your white blood count.”

As Minhyun downs the pill with water, he observes Seongwu out of the corner of his eye fiddling with a small needle. His brows are furrowed slightly and his lips are brought up to small pout as his fingers struggle to remove the seal.

Minhyun would almost say it was cute. 

“Okay, finally.“ The nurse throws the plastic seal to the floor in haste and continues, “You’ve been on Cytarabine through intravenous injection for 3 days out of 6 this week and I’ll be injecting Cerubidine into the IV solution now.” Minhyun can’t tell if Seongwu’s still directly talking to him at this point, so Minhyun’s acts upon the irking in his mind to pick up the discarded wrapper.

Minhyun’s barely moved one leg out of his blanket before a heavy palm forces his chest back into the bed. “Hey, hey, hey- is something wrong?” Seongwu questions, eyes thoroughly scanning Minhyun for any pain but his patient’s expression was more of a glare than one of agony. 

“Don’t leave that wrapper on the floor.” Minhyun says, barely lifting his hand to point at the plastic near Seongwu’s shoes. He’d had hoped to say it in a less nagging tone, but judging from the nurse’s eye roll, it was thankfully taken lightly.

Seongwu responds with a childish whine, though he still makes the effort to pick up the seal from the floor and place it on the tray instead. Seongwu resumes injecting the medication and Minhyun holds himself back from making any further comments till Seongwu’s completely done. 

“Can you not do that when I’m holding a needle, let alone mention it when I’m one second away from injecting something?” Seongwu suggests from across the room, disposing the needles and waste into their respective bins. 

“What? Remind you to do something that you should’ve done in the first place?” Minhyun retorts back.

Seongwu apologises with a hearty laugh, mimicking a soldier salute. “Ah, my deepest apologies sir. Will never happen again.” As the nurse returns to cleaning up, Seongwu doesn’t catch the way Minhyun’s reserved smile turned fond.

 

By seven-thirty, Minhyun has become more appreciative of Seongwu’s company, or rather, he’d more willingly suffer from Seongwu’s banter than stay with a cranky old lady. Given enough icebreaker questions and too much talking (from both sides, he admits), Minhyun’s became fully aware of how Seongwu came about to be his personal nurse: Most of it was just Seongwu owing Jisung a favour while the rest was due to being one of the only remaining nurses available and qualified enough to take up the role. 

“You should consider yourself lucky, I’m the way hotter option.” Seongwu mentions almost too proudly.

Minhyun almost chokes.

If Seongwu wasn’t a nurse, he’d probably take Minhyun’s reaction as a compliment. But he is a nurse. And Minhyun’s literally dying. ( _Unfortunately_ )

“Oh _shit_ \- Are you okay?”

Minhyun swats Seongwu’s worried hands away and reaches for his glass of water. He hopes Seongwu didn’t catch the rising blush on his neck, counting on the unflattering hospital lights to finally work in his favour. 

“I’m okay, just needed some water.”

He isn’t sure if his excuse was believable, but Seongwu seems to let it pass, busying himself to check Minhyun’s vitals on the surrounding screens in case he actually was dying. He tries to maintain his composure for the longest minute of his life but it seems his act did not sell it strong enough to stop Seongwu from checking physically. A cold hand is suddenly pressed onto Minhyun’s forehead, then quickly to his neck, all while it’s owner sends a sharp gaze directly towards him.

“You’re warmer.” Seongwu states factly, “If you start to feel nauseous, it might be a reaction to the medication.”

At this point, Minhyun would rather just accept his fate and die on the spot then keep up with this embarrassment. “It’s just a little warm in this room that all.”

Seongwu raises a brow at his defence, “Just let me know if you’ve lost your appetite or anything, you’re prone to a lot of side effects.”

“I’m not nauseous. In fact, I’m very much looking forward to dinner.”

Minhyun may be trying to cover his ass, but he definitely wasn’t lying about the food. It wasn’t much longer until dinner rounds made their way to Minhyun’s rooms anyway, the smell already strong enough to be sensed from the opposite ward. 

As much as Minhyun hates to be forced into accepting unnecessary luxuries from his father, he’s genuinely thankful for the good food served in the hospital. The room itself already resembled more of a hotel room than a hospital bed, blessed with extravagant views of Seoul from his level and extensive amenities that Minhyun would probably never use. Even against Minhyun’s complaints, he was convinced enough to let Seongwu stay in his room to have his break than vacating him to the staff room. 

_(“Just in case you choke on some 미역국 or something, you never know!”_  
“That’s a soup!”  
“You still managed to choke on air!”  
“Fine!”) 

 

It was a good hour of Minhyun indulging in his various side dishes and Seongwu blatantly gawking at the high quality food until the meals were eventually wheeled out from the room. As they sat in a comfortable silence, Minhyun’s assumption from when they first met was proven true: Seongwu’s just a child in an overgrown body. All his wall bouncing energy was used up from talking, and it was becoming more evident against the harsh hospital lights - a few more stray hairs poking out in all directions, a neatly ironed uniform all crumpled, the wide grin from earlier turning thin. Minhyun would be tired just from the simple idea of having to take care of his cancer-stricken self, let alone survive being a personal nurse for the next few weeks. As a small token of gratitude, Minhyun offers forces Seongwu to take some packed leftovers home to at least make up for his lack of deserved breaks. 

“You can’t be full from one kimbap roll Seongwu, just take it home.”

“It was a very good kimbap roll actually,” Seongwu argues, pushing the containers back into Minhyun’s hands while shaking his head. “I’m a nurse anyway, I’ve gotten used to skipping a few breaks here and there.”

“Fine,” Unwilling to take no for an answer, Minhyun pushes it towards Seongwu again but quickly retracts his hands this time, making the nurse catch it in his hands out of reflex. “As a friend then, take it home.”

“A friend?”

Maybe it’s just because he’s not seeing his usual nurses anymore or because he’s lonely in this big room, or maybe it’s just because he’s got no idea how much longer he’s got left to live. Minhyun’s life is just becoming so many ‘maybes’ that he’s starting to get fucking tired of it. No matter how nonchalant he likes to act, for some unknown reason he can’t seem to let Seongwu’s presence slip past his fingers, not when he’s desperate for some kind of permanence. So for one moment, he lets his heart take over.

“Yes, a friend.” Minhyun repeats, masking his anxiety with a tight smile. 

Seongwu’s expression remains unreadable and Minhyun starts to feel uneasy after every passing second. He curses at himself for even thinking of asking for something he has no right to. Seongwu’s his nurse and will remain his nurse, nothing more. He’s probably forcing Seongwu to break about fifty nurse to patient boundaries right now. Regretting his actions instantly, Minhyun attempts to practice enough plausible excuses and explanations in his head until Seongwu’s voice interrupts them all.

“I can microwave these containers right?”

Minhyun looks at Seongwu confused, the question somehow unable to register clearly in his head. Where was the consoling comments? The _“I’m just your nurse not your friend.”_ bullshit?

“Minhyun?” Seongwu waves a hand in front of Minhyun’s face after no response, repeating himself. “Are these microwavable?”

There is only two outcomes that Minhyun could possibly justify what just happened: It’s either one, Seongwu is actually broke and desperately needs hospital food to get by or two, Seongwu is accepting his shitty attempt at friendship out of sympathy and it’s all empty words. Whatever the reason, Minhyun’s screwed. Actually, Minhyun’s heart is screwed. 

“No, it’s delicate. Be careful with it.”

Seongwu smiles at nothing in particular, “I plan to be.”

 

♡

 

Minhyun’s second day with Seongwu was barely any different from the first. The nurse would come in the early afternoon, ensure he ate all his meals, give his evening medication and keep him company in between. Seongwu didn’t act any different either, making it easier for Minhyun to delete that whole evening from his memory. He didn’t offer his food this time, unwilling to provide an opportunity for his mouth to run off without thinking again. (He really should learn how to stop doing that. But then again, he can’t help it if the only nurses he sees other than Seongwu are Jisung and Jaehwan.)

Seongwu had left for his last break and instead of following his specific instructions of sleeping by midnight, Minhyun decided to press the nurse call button. If Minhyun remembers correctly, the nurse’s schedule should be the same as it was in his first chemotherapy round, meaning he should get Jisung or maybe even Sungwoon if he had a longer shift. 

As expected, it was only a matter of minutes before there’s a knock at his door.

“Minhyun, it’s just past midnight, you should sleep.” Jisung says walking in, stretching out the knots in his limbs from standing for too long.

“No _‘I miss you, you were the best patient, I’d give everything to be allocated to you again’?”_ Minhyun jokes, moving to sit on the edge of his bed to swing his feet excitedly. 

Jisung grins back, giving him a quick squeeze on the shoulder. “Why yes, how could I forget?”

The nurse moves to the edge of his bed to check his patient folder out of routine, asking the usual check up questions as if nothing had changed. Minhyun’s mind throws back to the early spring when he was first admitted, where the only words Jisung would get out of him were half whispers and repeated requests for water. It took Minhyun a whole week before he finally got used to the constant medical staff moving in and out of his room and how little time they spared him. He knows it was selfish to expect more being only one of many cancer patients, but he still blames his personality for seeking physical attachment through them. _“Don’t ever think we don’t care about you Minhyun, but there’s only so much we can do.”_ Jisung would always say.

“How are you going with Seongwu?” Jisung asks out of the blue, looking up from the folder. “Because if you genuinely hate it, I can talk to the board again for different arrangements. I’m sure they can convince your father.” Frankly, anything would convince his father. He’s had no contact with his family for what? Five, six years now? If anything, Minhyun’s treatments is nothing more than a recurring fee to him.

“Yes, please take Seongwu away and change him with the cranky old lady.” Minhyun wishes he’d reply.

“He’s fine, but he’s just as annoying as you.” Comes out of his mouth instead. 

Before Jisung could articulate a witty response, a muffled _‘Hey!”_ interrupts them.

“You talked for two hours straight, what are you talking about?” The voice continues, teasing from the doorway. Minhyun didn’t have to spare a glance to guess who it was, his presence becoming more and more familiar.

Seongwu walks towards the duo, his mouth half stuffed with a sandwich roll bought from a nearby convenience store.

Even with Seongwu in their company, Minhyun still looks at Jisung with confusion. He’s pretty certain he only buzzed once and he doubts Jisung would call for assistance. Except that one time where he kind of ran off without telling him.

“He’s your personal nurse remember? He also gets notified if you call for any assistance.” Jisung states, answering his unspoken question. 

Minhyun pretends not to hear Jisung’s comment and directs his gaze back to his personal nurse. “You’re staying longer today Seongwu, do you have a ride home? I’m sure Jisung won’t mind dropping you off.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m only a couple of blocks down.” Seongwu waves off his suggestion and tries to shoo Jisung off the chair, dropping a few crumbs on the floor. He takes a note to remind Seongwu to cleanup after himself before he forgets. “Plus Jisung still needs to find a way to knock out the lady a couple rooms down, she keeps making a fuss about the new air purifier.”

“Don’t tell me she woke up.” Jisung pleads, looking at Seongwu with pure desperation.

Seongwu pats Jisung on the back sadly. “She woke up.”

Jisung sighs to himself and regrettably peels himself off the chair. “Sorry Minhyun, I’ll see you both tomorrow anyway.”

Minhyun watches Jisung leave with a slump in his step and Seongwu hushing Jisung’s complaints with dramatic prayers of luck and fortune as he rushes him back out the door.

“Jisung was right though,” Seongwu threatens with his sandwich roll once Jisung had left the room. “you should sleep otherwise I’ll knock you out too.”

Minhyun doubts he could actually do it but he’ll let him think what he wants. “What are you going to do then, watch me sleep till your shift ends?” He remembers Seongwu mentioning the terrible timing of his shifts, all ending at one-thirty in the morning.

Seongwu’s gaze softens as he actually considers the idea, straightening his imaginary beard with his crumbed fingers. “That doesn’t sound too bad actually.”

Minhyun throws a pillow his direction, hoping the attempt was enough to distract attention from the pink tinge burning his cheeks. His heart has officially fallen for a boy who can’t clean for shit. Minhyun was fucked. “Just go eat your stupid roll.” 

“Yes sir!”

 

♡

 

Minhyun wakes to see a blond nurse in his room, diligently preparing his breakfast. The plates were arranged in size order and the cutlery was yet to be placed on the napkin in the centre. _Sungwoon?_

As the nurse lifts his head, he sends a warm smile. “Oh, you’re awake, slept well?” 

Minhyun nods in response, still rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. . 

Checking the clock, Minhyun turns to look out to the opened window. The newly risen sun was just peeking behind the blinds, splashing grand streaks of yellow across the walls in front of him. It was an ideal time to take a stroll in the garden, clear his head. “Hey Sungwoon, I’m still fine to walk around right?”

“You’re still in the early stages of chemo so as long as you’re feeling up to it, I think it should be fine.” With the head nurse’s words of assurance, Minhyun readies himself to get out of bed but Sungwoon immediately stops him by the wrist. “But, I suggest you wait till Seongwu gets here, let him accompany you.”

Minhyun groans.

“And you haven’t even eaten breakfast so don’t you dare think of leaving yet.” Sungwoon threatens.

Minhyun takes the metal chopsticks from the nurse and picks at the scrambled eggs in front of him. There was no point trying to argue with Sungwoon, not when it’s just shy of seven thirty and he is only one of many patients grumbly for breakfast. “What time will Seongwu be here then?”

“Probably around lunch time.” Sungwoon replies, unpacking the final dishes of Minhyun’s breakfast while simultaneously writing notes into the patient folder. “I’ll let him know that you want to head out though, so you better not be running off on your own again.”

Minhyun assures Sungwoon he would wait, already looking for something to occupy himself till Seongwu arrived.

 

A familiar voice fills the room, breaking Minhyun’s train of thought. “Sungwoon said you wanted to head out?”

Minhyun’s pacing around the room was put to a halt, unable to stop the smile from forming on his lips. With his IV stand by his side, he bounds to the door, grabbing Seongwu’s shoulders and turning him around so they could back walk out. 

“You’re finally here, let’s go.” 

Minhyun probably got two- maybe three strides closer to the door before the nurse suddenly decides to stop in his tracks, causing Minhyun to have a head on collision with his bony shoulder.

Seongwu’s height was already big enough to block the doorway, but he still uses his arm’s to grip the frame to prevent Minhyun from squirming past his sides. “Minhyun, hold on, my shift hasn’t even started- Have you even eaten lunch?”

 

Still rubbing his forehead, Minhyun steadies his breathing. The excitement of getting out of this room was getting to him. 

“I won’t be long, I promise. It’s just around the garden.” Minhyun pleads, hoping he wouldn’t have to resort to nail-biting aegyo like he did with Jisung.

“Fine,” Seongwu doesn’t look that convinced but still sighs in defeat, shrugging off his bag to place on a nearby empty table. “I start in fifteen so we better be back by then.”

 

The late autumn breeze gently caresses Minhyun’s cheeks, cold enough to raise a few hairs on his skin. Even with the sun out, he silently thanks Seongwu for forcing a jacket on him before he left. If it weren’t for his degrading health, he’d run through the crimson foliage just like he used to as a child, endlessly till he was out of breath with a runny nose. Except now, his throat was already dry just from making his way down from his room and he’d rather not attempt to break free from his IV stand again, needles and all - it was one time and one time only.

“At least you weren’t lying when we first met.” 

Minhyun turns on the spot, looking at Seongwu with a slightly puzzled expression. “We only met a couple of days ago, what are you talking about?”

Seongwu notions the other to take a seat on the bench under a massive maple tree while he jolts Minhyun’s IV stand out of a small ditch in the ground. “I meant the part about you liking plants,” Seongwu continues, arm now resting casually on his IV stand as if Minhyun’s life didn’t depend on it, “it seems you really like this garden.”. He’s surprised he even remembered.

“Yeah,” Minhyun looks to the distance, reminiscing the day trips his family would take to Baemsagol Valley whenever relatives would spare a few days to head back down to Busan. Or even during university and his spontaneous trips with friends to Namsan Park to take cringey pictures with the leaf artworks. Sure this garden was no match for those places, but the vibrant autumn foliage still deserves to be appreciated everywhere. “It’s nice.”

Minhyun moves down the bench to make room for Seongwu and the nurse immediately takes the gesture to press his body on Minhyun’s side. He immediately regrets it. “I know I offered you my puffer jacket earlier but is there any chance we could swap?”

Minhyun takes a second to eye Seongwu up and down and it was clear his work cardigan wasn’t thick enough against the breeze that was evidently picking up. Despite the unknown warmth rising up his neck, Minhyun wasn’t planning on handing the jacket over, not when he’d suffer far worse from only wearing a patient gown.

“Do you want to head inside then?” Minhyun offers, nodding his head in the direction of the door. He expects Seongwu to jump at the opportunity, willing to physically drag Minhyun’s body back for the indoor heating, but instead the nurse brings his knees up and cradles it close to his chest. 

“You’ve still got,” Seongwu throws a quick glance to his watch. “Eight minutes till I actually start my shift Mr. Hwang, use it wisely before I freeze to death.”

Minhyun decides it’s just enough time for one more quick roam around so he pushes himself from his seat and gestures Seongwu to follow. “I’m going to-”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned death like that.”

Minhyun takes a glimpse back at the bench and sees Seongwu apologising profusely, running worried hands through his hair. He holds back his urge to reach out and smooth the stray hairs down. 

Honestly, Minhyun doesn’t take the off handed comment to heart as he probably talks way too casually about death for someone who has a 86% chance of unsuccessful chemotherapy. But he understands why Seongwu would throw a small fit about mentioning it. If a nurse were to mention anything even related to dying to him seven months ago, he’d probably burst into tears.

Minhyun tugs on Seongwu’s shirt to get him to stand up and place the apologies on halt. “Stop, Seongwu it’s okay. I’m alright.”

“Are you sure? I know Leo’s are meant to be truthful but even as a Virgo, my observation skills are shit.”

Minhyun gives Seongwu an amused smile at his remark. “I didn’t think you were one for zodiac signs.”

“There’s enough magazines in the break room to keep me knowledgeable.” The nurse returns his smile, though the concern lingers in his gaze. “But seriously, it’s alright with you?”

Minhyun nods. “Here, look.” He brings their attention to one branch growing from the maple tree. It was a lone branch long enough to be seen from his room; a quick glance at it was enough to both force him up in the morning and keep him up at night. Many of the leaves had barely any life left in them, the cool breeze constantly threatening them to fall to the ground. They didn’t have much long to go, and in a similar way, neither did Minhyun. “See those leaves?” 

Seongwu nods curiously.

“I’ll die when that branch is completely rid of leaves.”

He must be used to these kinds of confessions, Minhyun thinks. He’s been in the oncology ward for a few years now and his story is no way as tear jerking as the next patient. That being said, Minhyun puts no effort in explaining himself to him. And Seongwu doesn’t seem to push it either. 

“Why that branch?” The nurse asks instead, the faintest touch of pain hiding behind his words.

Minhyun’s chest tightens at the observation.

“I don’t know.” He responds quietly, kicking at the pile of already fallen leaves.

It does make him feel somewhat better relying on something. It acts as a daily reminder that his days are getting inevitably shorter, that he should think and act rationally to live a fulfilling end. On the other hand, a particular nurse is going against all odds by making it even more difficult for his heart to discern between his needs and wants- between letting himself fall in love one last time or stopping him from hurting himself any further. 

 

♡

 

Sleep doesn’t come easy that night. With every toss and turn Minhyun keeps seeing those sharp eyes, that perplexingly sweet smile and at one point, it jolts him awake. It takes a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to his room now blanketed in complete darkness, squinting slightly to focus on the digital clock just opposite his bed. 

_2 am_

Minhyun’s just about to force his eyes shut for the nth time that night until he casts his gaze to a dark figure slumped uncomfortably in the chair next to his bed. 

He’s stupid, he really is stupid. His shift was meant to finish half an hour ago.

Minhyun turns to lie on his palm, eye’s falling upon the profile of the nurse. “I barely know you,” he whispers, voice filled with sleep. “I don’t know your favourite colour or how you like your coffee.” He lets out a deep breath. “Or why I’m falling so hard.” Minhyun looks back into the shadows, silently counting Seongwu’s steady breathing. 

Refusing to dwell any longer on his own sad, sad predicament, Minhyun flicks on the closest light switch and winces as his bed lamp fills the room. He reaches towards Seongwu with outstretched hands- hands that will never truly understand the desire of what they seek. “Seongwu, wake up.”

The nurse shifts on the spot, curling his arms tighter around his backpack but keeping his eyes tightly shut. His hair’s a mess and there seems to be debris left from the garden tangled in the loose threads of his cardigan. He must’ve been extremely tired for him to pass out in a chair in that position, but Minhyun was too tired to even question the whole situation. Minhyun jostles his shoulder harder this time, not stopping until a coherent sentence forms out of Seongwu’s mouth.

“What- Minhyun?”

“Go home Seongwu, you fell asleep.”

While Minhyun waits for the situation to process in Seongwu’s sleep deprived brain, he dips his fingertips in the cup of water left on his bedside table, flicking drops of the cold substance all over the nurse’s face.

“What are you doing?” Seongwu doesn’t hesitate to hide the annoyance in his voice, clearly aggravated by the abrupt awakening. He apologises a millisecond after.

“It’s so you stay awake, now go home.” Minhyun lets out a long yawn, his body reminding him that he too needs to sleep. “I’m going back to sleep.”

He turns his body to face the opposite direction and brings his blanket back up to his face, not bothering to check if Seongwu had left or not. As the lights are switched off, Minhyun’s lids become heavier and heavier, eventually drifting off to the feeling of fingers running through his hair.

 

♡

 

After a long week, Minhyun finally became familiar with Seongwu’s routine. The nurse would always knock three times before entering, sometimes not at all if he was late, and throw his winter jacket off to the nearest table. Some nights, Minhyun would wake up to see Seongwu asleep in that chair again, covered with small twigs like he rolled in grass. _“I like to pick fresh flowers from the garden, it’s better at night.”_ He’d explain. 

If Jisung or Jaehwan were doing their rounds, sometimes Minhyun would forget he’s a patient and join their boisterous laughter as if they had all the time in the world. Distracted by the banter between the nurses on one particular day, Minhyun couldn’t help but fall harder for Seongwu, especially in moments like this. How could he not? His eyes are crinkled into little crescents and his moles are shining so brightly on his cheeks at a joke Minhyun never heard. He was as beautiful as the day he first saw him. It didn’t help that Seongwu’s fingertips felt like fire on Minhyun’s wrist as he grips on to him to let out a gawking laugh, the warm feeling lingering on his skin much longer than he needed. 

As Minhyun pushes himself to sit up to soothe his stomach from laughing, the view outside the window seems to calm the fluttering of his heart back to its steady pace. A constant reminding of his true reality. The wind had definitely calmed from earlier in the week, though it didn’t stop the falling maple leaves from doing their final waltz across the air before landing peacefully on the ground. Minhyun was so entranced that he didn’t notice the laughter dying down or even Jaehwan taking his dramatic exit. 

“You shouldn’t trust those leaves,” Seongwu mumbles beside him, cleaning up the mess Jaehwan always leaves behind. “You’re more than that.” 

 

From that day onwards, Minhyun started to notice the blinds being shut more frequently, obviously being Seongwu’s doing to keep the garden out of his sight - though it never stopped him from visiting. If the weather was particularly nice one morning and he could handle it, Seongwu would arrive earlier to guide him out to the garden right before lunch. He could tell Seongwu would try and draw his attention away from the maple tree, suggesting various routes around it, but Minhyun didn’t see the point and would walk directly to the bench underneath. 

Sometimes he’d ask to sit by himself and Seongwu would always oblige with that sad smile on his face, keeping his distance. Minhyun would hold his breath and count to ten. 

Count the leaves on the branch. 

Repeat.

There were days where none had succumbed against the threatening winter wind, as if there was someone reminding him to have small spark of hope. But then there were days where sadly nature had it’s way: only twenty-two this time, three must’ve blew off yesterday. 

Funnily enough, Minhyun started losing more of his hair yesterday too.

 

♡

 

The side effects started to take their toll on Minhyun in his fourth week of chemotherapy. It became harder to keep up his appetite and soon felt himself be bed bound, too weak to make his usual visit to the garden. It’s a good thing, he thinks. He heard the winter weather was rough and no matter how much he prepared himself, he doesn’t think he’d be able to bare viewing an empty maple tree. He relied more on Seongwu too, giving him even more trivial tasks that he almost began to feel sorry for him. 

“Could you bring me some water?”

Seongwu brings his body off the couch after hearing the request, places his book down, some action comic Minhyun assumes, and leaves the room to bring back a fresh cup of water. The door is wide left open and he catches that flirty medicine nurse attaching herself to Seongwu’s side. Minhyun forgets that they’re the same age sometimes, that Seongwu’s in his youth and still has his whole life ahead of him. The endless images of drunk parties, flings and beach holidays Minhyun sees across his Facebook timeline reminds him of what life could’ve been. Seongwu probably wants to move into his dream home, buy a dream car, have a family, just like Minhyun once wanted. 

Seongwu walks back in with a concentrated look, his tongue poking in between his lips, trying to not to spill the _almost_ overfilled glass. “Hey, I got your-“

Something in Minhyun’s head clicks, and the guilt he suddenly feels is unbearable, making him burst into tears.

“-water?”

Seongwu immediately rushes to his side, carefully placing the water into his hands. The nurse runs his hands up and down Minhyun’s arms to calm him down but he can’t help but flinch at the touch. 

Minhyun should’ve stopped himself from the beginning, he knew it was dangerous. Friendship with a nurse was pushing it, falling in love? He must’ve been crazy. He wishes he could go back and punch himself in the face for that - it would probably hurt less than whatever he’s feeling now. Seongwu would feel nothing but burdened by Minhyun’s feelings, even if there was a small chance that fate allowed him to reciprocate. 

_Seongwu is a nurse,_ he angrily reminds himself, _when you die you’ll be nothing but a name left on his patient list. You’re not special Minhyun, there are hundreds of patients in this hospital. It’s his job to care for you, to be by your side. He is no different to any other nurse, yet you fall for those empty actions. You were stupid to think feelings would get involved. You’re going to die and there’s no way you’re bringing him with you, so you may as well just give it up now and fucking forget about it._

Minhyun’s inner conflict must’ve been voiced aloud at some point, as when he looks up, Seongwu’s frozen on the spot. He really has fucked it up. He wouldn’t be surprised to see a new nurse tomorrow, giving him the scolding for his childish actions he deserves.

“I’m just- I’ll be outside for a second.” He tells Minhyun, and he does just that. 

 

A second turns into hours and it’s only out of pure desperation when Minhyun calls for a nurse. He’s avoided calling Seongwu back because, one, even if he wants to shout apologies from the rooftop, Seongwu clearly needs his space. And two, he is very, very scared. He doesn’t know what of yet specifically, but he knows the tremble in his fingers is no reaction to the chemo. He composes himself (even though he feels like he’s about to cough up a lung) and waits patiently for anyone to relieve his call. _I don’t think Seongwu will be back, don’t look so expectant_ Minhyun tells himself. 

A knock, three soft hits, and Minhyun’s eyes fly straight to the door. Expecting. Exactly what he told himself thirty seconds ago of what he shouldn’t be doing. And unfortunately, he reaps what he sows. 

“What’s up Minhyun?”

Jaehwan’s smile falls when he sees the disappointment flicker in Minhyun’s eyes, he’s always been too observant at the wrong times. 

“Hey, what happened?” The nurse asks softly, returning the cup of water earlier back into his hands.

Minhyun forces a smile on his face, waving a hand in the air. “It’s nothing, just wanted to annoy you that’s all.” 

Jaehwan doesn’t believe any word of it and hits him lightly on the arm.

“Look, I don’t know what happened between you and Seongwu, and I’m not going to ask about it.” Jaehwan leaves a tablet of paracetamol in his palm to provide temporary relief until his next medications round. “But it’ll be just Jisung and I attending to you for the next few days okay?”

Minhyun nods, letting the awful taste of the tablet sting his tongue. The nurse soon leaves him a few more comforting words and a pat on the head, giving him time to be alone with his turbulent thoughts once more.

 

♡

 

Well into Minhyun’s fifth week, Seongwu has still made no appearance in his room and he feels relieved; at the same time, a little disappointed.

His mind can’t help but drift back to Seongwu walking back in his room, complaining about the convenience store prices rising or singing loudly to his favourite songs, not caring about the neighbour's complaints. Or the times Minhyun would blush furiously at Seongwu’s meaningless compliments or prolonged skinship as they talked about everything and nothing.

Out of everything, the doctor’s daunting words cemented itself in his mind, _“The chemotherapy is not as effective as we’d hoped Minhyun, it’s not looking good.”_ He was bound to hear that sentence eventually and he surprisingly took it well, not a tear in sight. Minhyun even refused to fall for the nurses sympathy after hearing it, asking them sincerely to pretend they never heard it all, like he wouldn’t die by next week. He doesn’t forget to thank their efforts however, requesting flowers to be sent to their homes when the time eventually comes.

Minhyun would applaud Jisung and Jaehwan’s attempts to distract him, the memory of his personal nurse fading little at a time. He could tell their remarks turned a little more forced, nonetheless, all was appreciated. Minhyun’s hair had become patchy and after enough pestering bald jokes, he finally gave in to wear a beanie. _(“You look like you could be in a hip hop group now!” “I’ll be the main rapper okay?” “Shut up Jaehwan, it’s gotta be Minhyun!”)_ He wishes he could laugh a little harder at the nurse’s antics like he used too, but it hurts, and his body pulls him back to sleep too frequently for him to comprehend if it was real or all a dream. 

 

♡

 

It was one of those nights that Minhyun wasn’t sure of but couldn’t bring himself to sleep through, like it was too good to be true. A nurse knocked three times before entering and threw his twig covered jacket off to the nearest table, an image he’d never forget. It was too dark to make out a face but Minhyun took a chance one last time.

“Seongwu?” Minhyun’s voice was coarse and even with his nasal cannula stuffed up his nose, it was becoming harder to breathe.

The figure sighs and sits himself in the chair by Minhyun’s bed, flicking the bed lamp to its lowest setting. The warm glow lights up the room and falls upon the nurse’s face. Minhyun was surely dreaming.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Seongwu softly replies. What he _always_ replies. He looked tired, more than usual - like he hadn’t slept for days. Minhyun would hate to think it was his fault but there was no need to ask him a question he already knew the answer to.

“I’m sorry.” The well deserved apology was a bare whisper coming out of Minhyun’s mouth, he’s not even sure if it was audible to the nurse. 

“Don’t- Don’t you dare say that.” Seongwu’s voice was tainted with anger. 

Minhyun lips wouldn’t let him reply anyway, tears starting to brim his eyes. They feel like glass shards when they eventually fall, tearing against the soft skin of his cheeks. Seongwu looks at him as if it pains him, as if Minhyun’s feeling weren’t so one sided this whole time. 

“Minhyun, look.” His vision is still blurred behind his tears, but he sees Seongwu pointing out the window. His blinds are pulled back for the first time in weeks, and Minhyun doesn’t bring himself to look. If Seongwu’s plan was to emphasise his depressing fate once more, he’d rather keep his eyes shut and pray he’ll wake up tomorrow knowing it was all a dream. 

Seongwu suddenly places his hands into Minhyun’s frail ones and gives it a soothing squeeze. His fingers were rough with small cuts and hard skin and Minhyun gives in too easily, looking back at the nurse with surprise. 

“Please.” Is all he pleads.

With great difficulty, Minhyun pushes himself up the headboard to follow Seongwu’s gaze. Against the endless night was the dreaded maple tree, illuminated with fairy lights in the middle of the garden, fully dressed with leaves as if winter never arrived. 

His heart blooms with so much love and hope that he can’t help but smile so wide.

“I’m dreaming aren’t I?” Minhyun asks, begging for answers, not tearing his eyes off the tree. 

Seongwu holds Minhyun’s hands tighter. “No, it’s for you.” He brings it up to his lips and presses them against his knuckles. “I did it all for you. Because you deserve the world Minhyun.” Minhyun turns to look back at him, and Minhyun’s heart breaks in two seeing a single tear fall down his cheek. “I promise to show you the world.”

His lies were comforting, so beautifully worded that he’d almost believe him.

“You can’t. I want you to be happy Seongwu, like how you made me. Someone else deserves to feel the warmth of your smile, or connect the moles across your skin with promises that can be kept. Take someone else and show them the world,” The nurse gets up from his chair and wipes the tears that endlessly fall from Minhyun’s eyes and brings him into a close embrace. “because I’m fine with mine just here.” 

Minhyun slowly withers in Seongwu’s arms, letting the nurse press light kisses across his forehead, his nose, his lips. He can’t bring himself to stop him.

“I’m sorry because I don’t know if any of this love, but I’m too fragile to think otherwise.” He pushes against Seongwu’s chest once, twice, but he doesn’t budge. “I’m sorry for making you feel this way.”

It would hurt to say “I love you”, a feeling so biased, built only out of desperation, but Minhyun won’t bring himself to say goodbye. Instead he just let’s himself cry into Seongwu chest, hoping he’d never wake up from this dream.

“Thank you Seongwu, thank you so, _so much._ ”

 

♡

 

Minhyun doesn’t wake up the next morning and Seongwu doesn’t need to visit the hospital to know that. The wind sat still and snow fell for the first time that month - it was beautiful. 

Unknown to Minhyun’s knowledge, Seongwu fell hard and fast for the man the moment he entered the room. He loved him in a pained silence, behind gestures too vague to be considered a concern from the judging eyes of other nurses. Seongwu wishes he could go back and love him wholeheartedly, apologise infinitely for pushing him away when he only meant to bring him closer. Minhyun longed to be in his presence, but he was scared to let him in. 

As Minhyun lived by the leaves of the tree, he instead swore to himself to keep it alive for as long as he could. If it meant stealing the gardener's ladder and falling too many times to glue back leaves, Seongwu did just that. All to see Minhyun smile just a little longer.

Of course, no amount of super glue could hold back the winds of fate but Seongwu never found himself to accept it. 

Maybe this was the lifetime where they couldn’t be together. Where everything was wrong timing and unspoken words. Where Seongwu has to suffer for his actions in a past life. 

Seongwu continues to yearn for the time when they meet again and with a bouquet of carnations on his doorstep, he promises to never forget him.

 

♡♡♡

**Author's Note:**

> ♡ it's not mentioned but Minhyun has Acute myeloid leukaemia and though he has his youth on his side, he left it quite late to seek treatment thus the very high chance of unsuccessful chemo.
> 
> ♡i tried my best to research the correct dosages/treatments but i am no doctor so i apologise if minhyun was actually meant to die from an overdose bc of inaccuracies 
> 
> ♡if u noticed the excerpts/references to lang leavs poems bless u. i am currently reading lullaby and love & misadventure!
> 
> ♡the flowers Seongwu receive at the end are a mix of red striped and pink carnations. their separate meanings are deep and unforgettable love but when paired together, they give the message of regret.
> 
>    
> ♡♡♡  
> finally, thank _you_ dear reader for taking your time to read this. i am still very new to writing so any tips and tricks would help me to improve! be sure to also send your love to other authors in the fic fest while you're at it!  
>  ♡♡♡  
>  


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